Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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