I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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