I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
