I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
