worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
