I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
