she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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