i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're like the curious george of whores
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
