oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
