Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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