you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
