garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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