Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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