Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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