There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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