Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
