I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bet he comes in French.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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