i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
