Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
