After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
