Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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