Welp...herpes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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