Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
