I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
