I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
