he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
honey bunches of taint.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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