You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize