I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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