Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
