Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
