I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
