So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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