How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
