I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
