You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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