He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
