I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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