Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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