How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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