My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
