the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
