The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
