omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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