Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
