you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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