Already got asked if we're dating
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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