Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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