just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think people are normalizing furries
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
