They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
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he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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