I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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