so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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