hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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