Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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