Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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