my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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