Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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