I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
