Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
