I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
