The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
try to milk me bitch
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