I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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