Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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