i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
