Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
