Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize