Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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