Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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