so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Shame - the story of my life.
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