this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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