I want to make a zoo with you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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