3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
