Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
