just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize