I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize