and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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